Saturday, July 27, 2013


Some say he looks like he's 23.

This was only our second trip to Togo’s. Only in the last year did they make it to Eugene, where there are now two locations. In 1971, Togo’s opened up shop in San Jose, California. Curiously, in all my internet research, I was not able to find the founder’s name. He was just referred to as Our Benevolent Founder. Togo’s got its name because the first shop was really a shack that only seated four people. A sign read, “Sandwiches To Go.” And, thus, some illiterate person christened it Togo’s.

In 1997, Togo’s was acquired by Dunkin’ Brands, of Dunkin’ Donuts and Baskin-Robbins’ fame. In 2007, Mainsail Partners took over Togo’s. Mainsail Partners is a weird investment group owning a variety of companies. As far as I could tell, Togo’s is their only restaurant chain, which suggests it is likely just a front for the Illuminati. Today, there are over 350 Togo’s locations, primarily on the West Coast.

Togo’s, apparently not intimidated by the over-saturated submarine-like sandwich market, mainly sells submarine sandwiches, though they NEVER refer to them as submarines. They only refer to them as sandwiches while pushing the slogan “Better than a Breadwich,” implying their ingredients are better than nothing. I can agree with this. Togo’s also serves soups, salads, and wraps.

As a complete and utter recluse, entering a Togo’s was off-putting. Hellos from over half a dozen (7) workers immediately bombarded me. “Everyone must be required to greet you upon entering,” Jerome quipped. My critical eyes turned to the corner, where a sharp-dressed fella with a laptop sat. The bossman was in house. They must have known we were coming. But, who tipped them off? The only person who knew we were going to review the place was Jerome, who suggested we review it. I can no longer trust Jerome.

According to staff at Togo's, they do not grow their vegetables on the side of the building.
Pearl Street Togo’s is brought to you by the color eat-more-food orange. The images on the walls were mainly advertisements and promotional materials for Togo’s. There were two people ahead of us, but we still received prompt service. This large dude who looked like he could work in a Chicago sausage factory started chatting up Jerome. “How old are you? 22? 23?” The worst guesser in the history of the world surmised. After Jerome clued him in, he gave Jerome a Togo’s yo-yo (surprisingly easy to say five times quickly).

They can't buy Jerome's love with a yo-yo.
Our tab looked like this:

  • 9” BBQ Pulled Pork Submarine $8.25
  • 6” Turkey and Bacon Club Submarine $5.75
  • Total $14

Jerome was not full from his smaller submarine. I was stuffed silly from my 9 inches of pork. The BBQ pulled pork submarine appeared to be their special submarine they were pushing. It tipped the scales at 1270 calories, but I had to try it because I owe it to you readers. It came with a generous portion of pulled pork in barbecue sauce and a layer of coleslaw, consisting mainly of just mayo and cabbage. I also added pickles and onion to add to the crunchiness and sloppy joe feel. I did not get any cheese. Jerome just got pickles, tomato, and lettuce on his. The kid never gets any sort of sauce, spread, or dressing on his submarines.

This submarine nearly conquered James.
How It Rates:

After thinking for a moment, Jerome, the math genius, rated Togo’s 30.5 on our standard 61-star rating scale. “They have good pickles (a major selling point for Jerome), and I feel like all the produce is fresh, and the tomatoes are juicy. Togo’s is good. I don’t think it’s bad at all. I just don’t think it’s super good.”

I was much more satisfied. I gave it 44 out of 61 stars, even though I’m pretty bored with submarine shops. It seemed like good value, the service was great, the ingredients were flavorful, and the bathroom was not completely covered in blood.

I walked out yelling “TOGO! TOGO! TOGO!” like some idiot at a submarine sandwich-themed frat party.

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